Why do so many people care so much about what other people think about them?
It’s never good to worry too much about what others think, I know this only too well as it has significantly held me back in the past.
That little voice in our heads that questions what we do and asks what will people think if we don’t come up to expectation or even worse, fail. It took me half my life to get my head in order and put things truly in perspective.
But It’s natural to care about what other people think of us, isn’t it?
We all want to belong to something, to be part of a group, taking pride in shared success. Being accepted as an integral part of a team. It’s in the primitive part of our nature going back thousands of years. It’s in our subconscious. It’s a part of who we are as a species.
But for many people in the modern day, it’s gone too far. Caring what people think when they are part of your team is important as you can discuss and work together towards a common goal. However, outside the group and on a personal level, it can be counterproductive and destructive for someone to prioritise the needs, beliefs and opinions of others over their own.
Do your experiences resonate with mine?
For half my life I was the same, too concerned and caring too much about what other people thought of me. It’s strange that I believed these opinions were always negative and critical in nature.
Looking back it isn’t difficult to understand why I was concerned about the opinions of others. I not only lacked confidence but also completely lacked faith in myself? I always compared myself to others, recognising their good qualities but not my own. I didn’t feel I was good enough. But why?
It was the people closest to me, my family, whose opinions I cared about the most. However, I didn’t need to care about what they might be thinking because the very people who loved me and wanted me to achieve, the people I looked up to for guidance during my younger years, made it quite obvious what they thought about me and were openly critical.
Sad as it is, I was always looking for approval, probably the approval and positive recognition I feel my parents denied me.
On a positive note, I knew I was a nice kind person. I’d be happy to help anyone. There was no reason for anyone to dislike me or be critical of me yet I was emotionally and psychologically imprisoned.
Needles to say worrying about what others thought really held me back from reaching my full potential, socially and professionally. It was such a burden, but later on in life, I realised, not only from my own history, but from talking to people and doing lots of reading, that caring too much about what people think is the most common reason that people fail in their endeavours.
I can see now that people probably looked upon me as antisocial.
That’s sad and needs to be addressed. Hence this blog post. I hope my experiences and the tips below can help someone avoid going through what I did.
Anyway, I now think other people’s opinions of me are none of my business. Their opinions have nothing to do with me or what I do and absolutely everything to do with themselves, their personal conditioning, their history, their values and expectations, their likes, dislikes and whether they have achieved more or less than me.
A spontaneous thought though, wouldn’t it be nice to know if other peoples opinions of us were all positive and complimentary! Can we be sure they aren’t?
So, I’ve been through it myself and know first hand what it’s likely to constantly worry about what others think. If you suffer like I did then knowing how to stop caring about what other people think is vital. I really hope these very same tips I followed below help you on, what was for me, a journey to mental freedom. It’s liberating.
My 6 Ways and ideas to shift our thinking and stop worrying about what other people think about us and what we do
1/ Get your head right. Analyse your thoughts, ethics and feelings. If you have a lack of confidence? Where does it come from? Our confidence and belief in ourselves is largely learnt from the way we were treated and spoken to by family, friends and peers. It’s mental programming. After all, all output is a result of input. Surely if this is the case we can reprogram and train our thinking to be unconcerned and stop caring about what other people think of us or what we do.
I can’t recommend enough this Book by Shad Helmstetter – What To Say When You Talk To Yourself….read this excellent book a few times and take positive action on the advise in the book. That’s what I did and I found it a great help. Just reading once, cover to cover isn’t enough. Like any training, it takes time, but I can tell you it works wonders in the end. I’m proof of that myself.
2/ Decide whose business is it? Actually if other people do judge us or our actions, what has it got to do with them? And is what other people think about really any of our business – as long as they don’t voice what we think they are thinking, which is very unlikely.
3/ Know that most people have confidence and self image issues and they too are probably spending too much time worrying and caring about what other people think.
During my 60 years on this planet I have met many people who cover up their lack of confidence and life concerns by being ultra bubbly, by acting positively and by being the life and soul of the party. These people may seem unaffected by what other people think on the surface and don’t seem to let these concerns affect their decisions and actions.
Others on the other hand can be more insular and frightened into silence, isolation and inaction. In short being controlled and imprisoned by negative thoughts and caring too much about what other people think and their opinions of you.
Given that we can control how we think and feel through mental training, where does the responsibility lie for the way we feel and react to the anticipated negative judgements and critique of others?
There is a way out. Positive self talk and that great book ‘What To Say When You Talk To Yourself’ again comes to the fore front of my mind and I highly recommend it.
4/ Be sincere, helpful, kind, do the best you can, and be your unique self.
5/ Rather than worry about what other people think, worry about your own opinion of you. What do you think of yourself. Write down and contemplate all your achievements, your goals, aspirations and what you’re good at. What is your driving force. Will you have any regrets in ten years time?
Also critique yourself. If you find any faults, ask yourself if you really are any different to anyone else. Considering no one is perfect, are other peoples opinions justified?
6/ Remember we humans are all the same. We all want to be happy, successful, loved, respected and listened to, I believe that is every persons right. Remember also that every person on this planet fails and makes mistakes, often the same mistakes. Every failure is character building and a lesson learnt.
Everyone has the ability to pass judgement on others and criticise what we don’t understand or believe in. In fact I will go as far as saying everyone, despite their own failures, has thought critically of others, either in a nice well intentioned way or negative way. It’s what people do.
Therefore is it reasonable to care too much about what other people think of you or what you do?
It will be great to hear your thoughts.
Thanks!